Over five months since the death of Kim Porter, Sean “Diddy” Combs is reflecting on the loss of his soulmate.
In celebration of Mother’s Day, Essence made the decision to put the Bad Boy mogul on the cover “as a tribute to Kim Porter.” The entire Combs family graces the magazine’s 49th anniversary May issue, including sons Christian, Justin, and Quincy, as well as daughters D’Lila, Jessie, and Chance.
In the interview, Diddy opens up about the grief he has experienced over the sudden loss of his former girlfriend, who passed away from complications from pneumonia at the age of 47, and how her death has impacted their family and those who loved her.
“It’s a testament to who Kim was, how she touched people, the grace and poise she had, the way she changed a room as soon as she entered. She was unforgettable,” said Puff. “That day turned my world upside down. Three days before she passed, she wasn’t feeling well. She had the flu, and she sent the kids over to my house so they wouldn’t get sick. One night I was checking on her, and she was like, ‘Puffy, take care of my babies.’ She actually said that to me before she died.”
Diddy reveals that the day Porter died, Nov. 15, he “jumped into mommy mode” to try to protect his kids. “I sent people in every direction to try to make sure the kids would not hear about it on social media or the news,” he said. “I had to get to the girls’ school and find Quincy, who was onset in Atlanta. Christian was on a plane, and I had his phone disconnected so he wouldn’t read it in the air.”
But he says Kim had been preparing him for this moment. “On some level I knew she was training me for this. I knew that I had to be ready to do whatever I was supposed to do if something like this ever happened. There was screaming and crying when I heard the news, of course, but I had to ask myself, What would Kim do? I was scared, and I was crying out to God—and to her—and almost immediately Kim’s voice kicked in, and I could hear her saying, ‘Make sure you take care of my babies.'”
Prior to Kim’s passing, Diddy admits that he was a “part-time father.” “My family was always first, but there are countless times when I chose work over everything else,” he said. “But every day I can hear her telling me to go and spend some time with the kids and make sure everybody’s all right, like she would do. I’m just a lot more present, and, most important, now my kids come before anything else in my life.”
While Diddy regrets that he didn’t marry Porter, he is proud of the family they raised. “We have a great family. The way we’re handling it is together. From Sarah [Chapman, Chance’s mom] to Misa [Hylton-Brim, Justin’s mother] to all of Kim’s friends, the grandparents—it takes a village.”
Porter’s death has brought them even closer together. “We’re doing really well because her passing has changed us and made us love each other more. I’m happy to say that, because at first I really didn’t know how we’d be doing. But God is the greatest. And it’s because of Kim we’re doing this well, because of the way she loved us. We wouldn’t be able to love any other way. Her spirit wouldn’t let us.”