Nick Cannon is opening up about his suicidal thoughts following the tragic death of his friend.
In a lengthy post on Instagram on Saturday night, “The Masked Singer” host reflected on his mental wellbeing and revealed that he considered taking his own life after the fallout from anti-Semitic comments he made on his podcast.
“Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse… 2020 is definitely the most fucked up year I’ve ever witnessed!” wrote Nick. “After waking up & barely rising from my own dark contemplation of continuing my physical existence on this planet, this powerful warrior actually had the balls to do it.”
Just days before, he alarmed fans and friends after sharing a cryptic post, which ended with “Goodnight. Enjoy Earth.” He also tagged his location in “Heaven.”
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Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse… 2020 is definitely the most fucked up year I’ve ever witnessed! After waking up & barely rising from my own dark contemplation of continuing my physical existence on this planet, this powerful warrior actually had the balls to do it. I’ve said it once and I will say it again, this was the strongest dude I’ve ever met! Just over a year ago a San Diego Police Officer rushed in his home and unjustifiably shot him placing him in a coma for months. I stood by his bedside and promised him that if he made it out & fought the good fight that I would make his dream come true and put his album out and share his story with the world. He fought and fought, he woke up, they stitched him up, he learned to walk and talk again and within months we were back in the studio recording. Even through his strength he would whisper to me that “Everything Still Hurts”. His music was definitely his safe haven and it was amazing. Paying for lawyers, putting money in his pocket, even putting the music together all meant nothing because I feel like I failed my little brother. The Cops will get away with shooting another kid, everyone will just look at this as yet another loving farewell post, but to me @ryanbowersob was so much more than that. Once again my brother you have put this world in perspective for me. You would do that quite often because I never understood how someone who was experiencing sooo much pain could still laugh and smile through it all. This photo was the last time we seen each other in person. It was your first show back! Soldout crowd in our hometown San Diego and you rocked it!! You were so happy!! Proved to so many that you could do it and that you were Super Human! The greatest comeback I ever saw!! We almost made it little bro! But I guess even flying Super Heros have to land eventually. But I am certain that your energy will never die and your Spirit is eternal, so I ask you still to forgive me for letting you down Warrior. I can’t help but think if I wasnt so engulfed in my own bullshit I could’ve been there for you when you finally took your life after several attempts… Fuck this place!! #CantWin #ForLosing🙏
The dark thoughts follow the death of his friend, Ryan Bowers, an up-and-coming rapper who Nick signed to his label. He was shot in his home last year by a San Diego police officer and was in a coma for months. After learning to walk and talk again, he ultimately took his own life.
“We almost made it little bro! But I guess even flying Super Heros have to land eventually,” Nick wrote in his emotional tribute. “But I am certain that your energy will never die and your Spirit is eternal, so I ask you still to forgive me for letting you down Warrior.”
It’s been a tumultuous week for Cannon. The 39-year-old was ousted from “Wild ‘N Out” after making anti-Semitic comments during an interview with former Public Enemy member Professor Griff during his podcast “Cannon’s Class.” His talk show has been delayed until 2021, but he will retain his hosting gig on “The Masked Singer.” He has apologized to the Jewish community, but received backlash from his own community for his apology.
Nick ended his message to Ryan on a somber note. “I can’t help but think if I wasnt so engulfed in my own bullshit I could’ve been there for you when you finally took your life after several attempts,” he said, adding, “Fuck this place!! #CantWin #ForLosing.”
Celebrities including Diddy, T.I., Cedric the Entertainer, and Master P have shared their support for Cannon in the wake of the fallout.