Ciara is living her best life.
But five years ago, she was in a dark place following her split with ex-fiancé Future. During a candid interview with Jada Pinkett Smith’s Facebook Watch series “Red Table Talk” (via PEOPLE), the Beauty Marks singer opened up about her split from the rapper in 2014, just three months after the couple welcomed their son Future.
Ciara reflected on her decision to be a single mom, saying she was scared at first, but ultimately made the right decision. “I grew up with my mom and dad being together. The idea of it being mommy and daddy that made baby,” she said. “Also, you’re living your life in front of the world, so that adds a whole ‘nother layer. I feel like I’m failing right now, they gon’ roast me.”
She decided she didn’t want to be unhappy. “The one thing I fear in life is really wasting my life,” she continued. “I really fear that ’cause you realize that time does not stop and it will be the worst scenario to stay in a situation that it’s just not healthy, it’s not going to get any better. I realized that I have to start making different decisions.”
She credits her parents for teaching her what true love is. “I had to take a couple of times to figure it out, but my dad’s love is what saved me in all my situations, because it would get to a point where I was like, my dad wouldn’t do this to my mom. This just can’t be love,” she said. “I’ve always had the same goal of wanting to be loved a certain way, but I was just walking in the wrong direction.”
She eventually found love with Russell Wilson, whom she met when her son Future was 10 months old. The couple married in July 2016 and welcomed daughter Sienna in April 2017.
“It was different,” Ciara said of the Seattle Seahawks quarterback. “I never had that feeling in my life. It was just like, it was calm … It’s a different level of love.”
She praised Wilson for not only loving her, but also her son. “He’s consistent. That consistency is so crucial,” said Ciara. “Whenever he would think about me, he would always think about my son. And to love me is to love my son. We come together. It’s a different level of love.”
Watch the full “Red Table Talk” below.